When you're a Tree
by Sir.Bears.A.Lot
Summary: There I was, a recently deceased soul minding my own business, then BAM! Next thing I knew, I was stuck inside tree. Now I'm stuck here with little miss perfect with her uppity, know-it-all atitude as I try to survive this demented world. What did I even do to deserve this? Also, can you stroke that particular leaf over there? I'm starting to itch.
1. Chapter 1

==Chapter 1: Oh God Why!==

Hmmm have you ever wondered if there were any other worlds aside from ours?

I'm not talking in the physical sense of other inhabitable alien worlds because there's bound to be one planet out their in the vast darkness of space that would host at least the simplest of lifeforms.

What I'm talking about is the metaphysical sense of parallel and alternate universes. Yes, the multiverse theory which supports the notion somewhere out there that you're Batman. Off course you have because every single one of you have at least imagined yourself being in place or being with the characters of you're favorite show or series

I most certainly would bet that some of you would even consider selling his/her own immortal soul just for the chance of being in some of these universes.

Oh the joy you would have felt if you saw your character in real person, living and breathing in front of your very own eyes. You would have been elated elated beyond belief if you get to interact with you get to interact with the,

I swear that most of you would jump at the chance of telling your favourite character the plot of the story if you were sent right before the beginning of the series.

If you told me that you wont then I'll call bullshit upon you and your lies. Lets be honest here for a few seconds. Some of us hates the stupid plot twist that some of the writers like to do.

You're probably be wondering by now why the hell am I talking about this? It's not like its going to be useful in real life right? Well screw you because I'm telling my tale here.

Well you see, I'm currently experiencing that situation right now.

To put things simply in a short and brief manner, I died and my soul was dragged into the world of the Fate series.

I died and I was already on my merry way to the after life where ever that is anyways. So that's why they call it the next great big adventure, You weren't giving instruction on how to go the afterlife. Well thankfully, I encountered a bunch of ghost whom I asked directions from.

They were really helpful and guided me to the entrance to the afterlife. I bid them farewell and a happy life as a ghost before I head off into the portal.

It was a pleasant experience actually. As soon as I jumped into the portal, I was carried off by a "current" down towards where all souls go I supposed. There was even some omnipresent elevator music while you and you're fellow travels go down towards the final destination.

I even spoke to some of them, those that were still sane anyways and haven't broke from the implication of dying, and found some of the most interesting story I ever heard. Some of those stories would have made millions if they were written down on a book.

I felt like it was going to be a while before I reached the destination so I made the most out of my time and that was talking to people and listening to their stories

It was a surprise to us that time really doesn't apply here in the afterlife or the place or wherever this is before the final destination. People from all walks of life and from every time period were here.

I talked to an obscure king, a petty thief from the ming empire, a sumerian poet, a french street performer during the time reign of terror and many more. I even encountered a Nazi soldier of all things.

He was a nice man to talk to. He was apparently an athlete before he was drafted into the army. He neither like or dislike Hitler as he state that Hitler may have been evil in his ways later into the war, he was still the leader that brought the germans up from the ruins of World War 1.

To how we understand all of each other was something I wonder how but I didn't complain due to how bloody convenient it was for me and those who I was talking about. The conversation I had with the others was really was made better because what ever was causing us to understand each other also made us understand the metaphor and analogies

it really took some time before slowly got near to final destination. What ever it was, it was wear all the souls are going.

Slowly I approached the _thing,_ whatever it was, and slowly felt myself unraveling and fading.

Now just as I was about to reach where all the souls were going accepting the probably outcome that I may permanently cease to exist, I was pulled away by something.

It was fast violent and god only knows how disorienting and painful it was. To put thing into perspective, it felt like was being dragged in the neck by a noose attached to a F1 racecar thru a series of paper shredders. Yes, it was painful as its sounds.

Next thing I know I was face to face with a red-eyed woman.

…

Lets see, Red eyes… white hair… and creepy ass maid's… dress of heaven…. And doll like face…

Well I'll be damned. I'm in the Nasu-verse in front of an Einzbern Homunculus

"Experiment # 431 to materialize a foreign soul is a failure. Proceed to dispose of test subject" said the still unnamed Einzbern

Wait a minute, what do they mean dispose of test subject? Where the fuck am I? Wait… are these leaves?

Holy Mary, Joseph and Jesus! Who use a tree as a test subject? Well…at least the tree they used was a Bonsai Oak as the subject because that's what my body was now… a tree…

Jesus! I'm in the Nasu-verse as a fucking soul stuck in a tree!

Shit the maids conjuring a fireball!

Got to say something smart!

Wait can I even talk?

Well… shit but there's no hurt in trying because that's a fucking fireball over that's maid's hand

In my panic, I said the first thing that came into my mind

I screamed it out hoping that I would at least be heard.

 _Can I touch your boobs!?_

"…"

…

"…"

…

 _I said something stupid didn't I?_

"…"

 _Lady… Put. The. Fireball. Down!_

End of Chapter One=

Like it, hate it. Just a half-baked idea I suddenly had to distract myself in this boredom of mine. I don't really expect much from this because this is pretty much just done in one sitting.

Leave a Review so that I can know if I should post more or not

PS: Fixed the grammar and edited some of the scenes


	2. Chapter 2

==Chapter 2: Tea time with Tree's==

 _So… what's your name?_ I asked the red eyed magus in front of me.

We were currently in the garden drinking tea together or at least trying to have tea together.

The maids were kind enough to serve me tea but they did forget that I was a Bonsai tree. Then again what they did was nice so I do have no right to complain.

The smell is kind of relaxing. Put emphasis on the word "kind of" because I'm pretty sure that the cause of all the problem I'm currently experiencing right now is trying her best to annoy me.

"…" Oh she's just there sitting like a pretty doll while sipping her tea ever so elegantly. Wow, she even has her pinky up.

 _Hey I'm talking to you here!_ What the point of bringing me here if you won't talk to me? I'm trying to break the ice here lady

"Are you?" asked the Magus.

Oh hell no! I'm not getting sass mouth here of all things… but she does brings up a good point there…

 _Well…technically I'm only telepathically communicating with you but still… can I at least know your name?_

"Why should I?" she asked once again.

…why do you have to be a pain in the ass here?

 _I can't keep calling you Einzbern all the time because I'm pretty sure that there are some people here are Einzbern's as well_

"That doesn't answer the question" she said as she elegantly laid down her cup of tea.

 _Well ok then bi… ok I'm not going to finish that._

It's really quite scary how much a fireball can suddenly just pop out of her hands. Being a tree means that Fire=Agony so… yeah… I don't want to know how good of firewood I am thank you very much! Thank god she extinguished it quickly after making her point

 _You know we did start off with a rather…rough beginning_

"…"

 _Rude beginning_

"…"

 _Out right sexually harassment_

"…"

 _Interspecies violation of privacy_

"…"

 _You know what? Forget it! You're not going to even talk to me anyways!_

Why did she have to be so hard to talk to! She may look like Irisviel but damn is her attitude completely different.

"I did talked to you" she said with a smug smile on her face.

Oh come on! Really! Why do you have to be such a pain in the ass to talk to! I'm trying my best to be civilized and you just have to keep shooting down all my attempts to do so.

 _Oh now your talking! I have half the mind-!_

"You have a mind? Oh dear I didn't notice that" She said cutting me off in the middle of my tirade.

 _Screw you!_

"No thanks" she replied with that ever so present smug smile of hers

 _This is getting nowhere Einzbern. I just want to know your damn name? Is it really too much to ask?_

"Oh yes, yes it is" she said with a voice that was just dripping with sarcasm.

 _Grrrrr! I would have preferred speaking with Zelretch than speaking with you._ At least I know that Zelretch would be a better speaking partner than this cold sarcastic bitch.

"So the experiment really was a failure" she then said as she closed her eyes.

 _What Experime-me-me-me-mentos and sugar beets! Lady! What have I told you about fireballs? You stuck me inside a fucking tree and if you haven't noticed, tree's aren't exactly that fire resistant._

Seeing the fire ball dancing just above the palm of her hands was really outright terrifying. I'm a tree damn it and that would reduce me to nothing but charcoal.

"Isn't that the point of using fire on a tree?" she asked as if she was stating the obvious.

 _Well you're right but before you do that why did you say I'm a failure?_

I'm a little curious here really. Why was she calling me a failure? Knowing this just might save the leaf in my canopy. This also be my way to get out of my situation right now.

"I didn't call you a failure _"_ she replied…

 _Stop with the sass-mouthing lady. I know I was really rude at the beginning but this is getting out of hand here. Also it doesn't take a genius to get that I was the subject for the experiment so that's why I'm being eliminated._

 _I did remember you saying that the goal of the experiment was….was… ummm capture a foreign soul right?_

"Yes and so far evidence has pointed out that you came from this dimension and not from another dimension. _"_ She replied.

Oh wow, that's the longest sentence he has uttered so far. We have a new record here

 _What gave you that idea?_ I'm pretty sure that I'm from another universe since I know the fate series is just a show and to have character from that show standing infront of me is a good indicator that I've been dragged to that world. She's a damned Einzbern if the magic and physical

"You are familiar with the Moonlit world _"_ She replied

 _He he, really? Are you really that naïve? I'm familiar with the Moon lit world but that doesn't really make me from the same universe here lady. You're getting hasty in your conclusions here. You don't have to be a practioner of the magical arts to be familiar with the magical world_

"… what are you implying? _" she said as the shadow of a frown slowly appeared in her face._

 _Come now? You're a magus and from what I know all magus are smart. Can't you figure this out?_

I just have to hand it to this lady. She may look smart but she's a bit slow here.

"... You're not making any sense here _"_ She said as she frowned

 _Oh really now. Wow… well fine but I have to warn you that this might get a little to weird so bear with on this one_

"Go ahead, you have all the time in the world _"_ she said as she leaned back and her frown disappeared.

 _Well basically this universe is a show in my universe_

"…" She frowned for a bit as she leaned forward towards me.

 _Well I did wa…_

She suddenly started laughing with amusement written all over her face. She held her hands over her forehead as she leaned back laughing, finding what I said to be hysterical.

"Oh dear, I never knew you had a sense of humor! Its quite funny when you say that _"_ she said in between fits of giggle

 _No really I'm not kidding._

This only amused her further as she held her stomach as if aching from how hard she was laughing right now.

 _Hey stop laughing I'm serious here!_

"How can expect me to believe such lies? This universe? A mere show in another universe? What sort of madness are you talking about?" She asked smiling and giggling while she wiped away the tear in her eyes.

 _This universe was really just came from a single mans imagination._

"Do you have proof of your claim?"

 _I…wait a minute… you have no electric lighting…_

"Electric Lighting? What does this have to do with your claim of being from another universe? Furthermore, who would be insane enough to place electric lighting in their homes?" She asked frowning clearly starting to get annoyed.

 _Wait just minute let me think…_

I was really not making sense here really. It's really hard to present a proof if all you have is words but I still have to try. Hmm maybe this idea could work

 _Do you have a telephone?_

"What… in the nine rings of hell are you talking about?" she asked

 _A telegraph?_

"Enough of you nonsense!"

 _What is the year right now?_

"Is it important?" she asked.

 _Just freaking tell me what year is it right now_

"It's the 13th of December, 1760." she replied

 _Well I be damned… you… you just dragged a soul several years in the future from another universe… No need to tell me your name because I know it…_

Things are starting to become clearer and I now do have a way to prove my claim. Now all I have to do is manipulate things in to my favor if I could that is.

"That doesn't prove anything. You may be from the future but that doesn't mean you're from another universe _"_ she said

 _Haven't you been listening to me Justeaze Lizrich von Einzbern?_

This got her attention as I saw the brief flash of disbelief and surprise cross her face before it was quickly by a stony expression.

"…"

 _Don't be surprise Justeaze. Your entire damn world is a show, a play and you know and a very big fan. You want kind of character you are on this play?_

"What?" she asked frowning while trying to hide her curiosity.

 _You're just a minor character._

Come on, get angry…

"You keep on talking about how you're from another universe yet you speak of nothing but nonsense" she said with annoyance in her tone

 _Oh Holy Maiden of the North I may sound like I'm speaking nonsense to you but all the things I have been telling so far is true._

Just a little more…

"I need proof _"_ She hissed clearly annoyed at what I'm saying.

Well here's goes nothing. I can only hope my half ass plan of mine would work

 _You want proof? I'll show you proof! Call the damn Wizard Marshall. I can guarantee you that he'll personally tell you how much of an insignificant character you are in the grand scheme of things_

I really do have to thank my lack of a face right now because I'm really sure that I'll be grinning right now.

The grin that was threatening to split Justeaze's face was all just too amusing to see. Playing on a persons prides is actually quite easy if you think of it.

"Ohh I'm not going to jut call th Wizard Marshall, I'll bring you to him personally"

One ticket out off here coming right up!

==End of Chapter 2==

Well here's another chapter for you people to read. I was really surprised that a few people actually like this random idea of mine... how the hell did this get more favorite that the fanfic that I was actually pouring my effort in? Damn it but anyways... here's the damn chapter..Well I hope that you enjoy another half assed chapter of mine. I was having a headache while writing this so sorry if its a bit inconsistent.


	3. Chapter 3

==Chapter 3: Just went Full Retard==

* * *

It's official people, I have gone full retard mode. How do I know that I have gone full retard mode? You see, in my suicide thought induced stupidity, I thought it was a good idea to see mother fucking Zelretch.

Oh goody, how smart of me to think that seeing Zelretch would make things all the better. What was my plan again? Let see

Anger the one that revived and taunt her to bring you to the last person you really want to meet in this part of the multiverse.

Genius me! Just mother fucking Genius!

Really? Do you really have to experience suicidal thoughts now of all things?

I was resurrected from the dead! I should have been thankful to the bitch (it was partially her fault anyways since she kept annoying me) but nooo! I really have to be the ass I'm usually am!

Jesus, Mary and Joseph! How am I going to get out of this mess?

This is meeting Zeltrech in PERSON which speaks in volume of how fucked I'm going to be in a few minutes.

Yes minutes.

Well you see it's the 18th century and unlike modern time of this particular universe, magecraft was still strong.

In fact it was still strong enough that if someone was strong enough, they could mimic some effects of magic, specifically Spatial manipulation.

Apparently magus in this time period have use an ancient thaumaturgical monstrosity of a transport system called the "Thunder Cloud'.

Nasu-verse denizens and their naming sense. Really? Thunder Cloud? It does make an insane amount of sound when used but that doesn't excuse people in naming it Thunder Cloud.

The concept was simple actually here after I asked the maid tasked to carry me around. It was simply creating a massive explosion beneath the fabric of space to create a wave that the one using the ritual could use to "ride"

When I pressed for more detail the maid told me that apparently nobody really knows how people actually ride the waves.

Well shit, these people are insane. No wonder nature decided to reduce the magical power humanity could access.

With her things packed, Justeaze brought me to the ritual room for the transport.

It was a massive room with strange symbols and signs. It was obviously magical in nature because they were glowing.

Justeaze along with me, the maid carrying me and the maid carrying her things stepped into the raised platform in the middle. Inscribed on the platform was an insanely intrinsic magical circle.

I know that Nasu-verse magic users used magical circles since they were shown in the anime but they didn't give justice on how truly complex they were.

If I had eyes right now, I swear they would melt because they wouldn't be able to comprehend how complex was the circle.

How was fuck was I able to see anyways? I could see, hear and feel the world around me. Hell I could even smell and taste the very air with the leaves on my canopy. I think I could even taste with my roots…

It was fucking confusing and disorienting. Also it was stupidly weird

I could taste the soil with my roots… and it taste like chocolate… why does it taste like chocolate?

Anyways, more maids entered the room… how many maids does she have? Do the Einzbern have some sort of maid fetish? I know it's a head canon for some but still… it's getting creepy

The maids then positioned themselves around the platform before they started to glow, which I assume would be the indicator that they were powering up the ritual.

I don't know jack shit about what's happening here because this wasn't even in the show or any of the wiki articles for the show so I could only assume.

Power flooded the room… as in literally. The airs starting to glow, what else was I was supposed to think.

Was this how magical felt? I don't exactly know if this ritual was using Od or Mana but the feeling was intoxicating.

Ohhh look I'm glowing…

Wait… glowing…why the fuck am I the only one glowing here? No one else is glowing… shit this doesn't look good.

Yes it's not good because for some reason my leaves are sucking up the ambient magical energy in the air…

 _Hey, is it normal to glow?_

Genius questions…. For genius people… I'm starting to wonder if the plant I was placed in a Potato plant and not a bonsai oak…

Ohhh look… ice princess panicking… ohh great

Just great…

Atleast I know how it feels to be on drugs right now…

"Sto-!"

* * *

I don't know much about what happened next but I do remember having been inside an explosion and being on fire.

Yeah, not the most pleasant of experience

At least I managed to survive and with only several broken branches and burnt leaf to sport!

Well now at least I'm being treated in the clinic… clinic for plants that is meaning the Garden of the Mage Association Headquarters.

You might be wondering why I didn't say clock tower. Well you see the Clock tower didn't exactly existed during the 18th century.

Now before the Clock Tower was built, the head quarter was in Egypt.

Yes and I have to say, this place feels really old.

The "Plant Doctor" Amelia , nice girl and obsessed with plants… kinda remind me of Poison Ivy, was currently doting on my every need as she helped help the damage I received.

She was an angel in human form. Red hair, green eyes what's not to love?

Red heads. You just can't help but admire their beauty.

"Sorry for asking this again… how does it feel's to be a plant?" She asked as she leaned forward showing off a generous amount of cleavage.

She's wearing a 18th century European Ball gown dress yet even with its "prudish" design, she still somehow manage to ooze enough sexuality to reduce me to a pile of stupid.

Boobs, who can resist them? Not even women themselves can resist them as far I have read online.

 _Well you see Emilia… being a plant feels weird…_

This was the 4th time that I have told this to her but hey? I have a good view here.

Stupidity increase when beautiful women expose more skin. I didn't even notice jwp long I was talking as I finished my description.

Her giggle was like the chimes of cherubs in heaven above

"Thank you for answering my question… I'm sorry for asking it to you several times but…I'm just too curious."

I nodded

 _Its fine really, it's a favor I'm willing to give to such a beauty._

I think I'm in love. She so beautiful that it's a crime!

"Oh stop it you! You're making me blush" she squealed out cupping her cheeks to hide the growing blush that she was having

Father above I thank you!

She then leaned forward as she whispered "So are you ready for your treatment?"

She winked…. I think I melted just right there.

Oh god she's starting to strip to reveal her generous gift

 _Dear mother of god!_

If I had a human face then I'm sure I would glow at how much I'm going to blush. Being in between the finest…tracts of land… under the sun was pure heaven.

"You see, I need skin contact to perform my magecraft which is too rejuvenate plant life… sorry if I'm getting you all uncomfortable"

Energy began coursing thru my branches as I felt her od fill me. It felt so warm, so soothing, so intoxicating.

 _Take your time… I don't mind_

All higher form of brain function has long ceased to function but it was unfortunately re started as a shout called for my healer

"EMILIA! Get your ass over here! I need my medicine!' Shrieked out a woman. Hearing her voice felt like someone scratched a blackboard with sharp nails.

"Oh poo~!" Emilia pouted as she reluctantly pulled away from me.

She quickly pulled up her breast to cover her top much to my dismay as she said "Sorry, It my grandmother and she really needs her medicine. I'll be quick I promise"

She quickly rushed out of the room leaving me all alone.

 _Darn it…_

Sigh… just when it was getting exciting….welp better-!

"Emilia! Sister! Where are you?" asked a voice that sounds quite similar to Emilia yet lacked the sexual undertone to it.

A girl then burst inside the room. She looked like Emilia in almost every except if you made Emilia dress up in commoners working clothing, give her thick glasses, make her walk in a bad posture and mess up her hair before tying it in a bun.

She looked like a typical nerd.

She then turned towards me before she shouted "Nevermind! Going to take this plant for the presentation!"

 _Hey! I'm a patient here!_

"Nice, a talking plant. Will make it all the better" She said grinning as she picked me up from the table I was placed in

 _Put me down this instant lady! I have an appointment with Emilia!_

"Sheesh, I said I wanted a talking plant for the presentation but I never thought she would give me a plant this talkative!" she said as she quickly carried me off heaven.

 _Oh come on! Nooooooo don't take me away from heaven!_

* * *

Meanwhile on another room, two person were currently having tea.

One was a Distraught looking Justeaze holding onto a cup of tea while the other was the Wizard Marshall humming as he poured himself a cup of tea.

"So… it is true" whispered Justeaze as she shakily took a sip from her cup. She was currently experiencing a mild form of shock due to what Zelretch just revealed to her.

"Yes that I have a large dick" said Zeltrech grinning cheekily as Justeaze bristle in anger.

"You cad! How you no shame!" shouted Justeaze as she throw her cup of tea to Zelretch. Hot steaming tea splashed against Zelretchs fancy suit and skin as the Wizard Marshall didn't bother to even dodge.

The tea may be steaming but Zeltretch being Dead Apostle didn't really give a fuck about how it felt because he didn't felt anything from it. It was too damn weak to even affect him.

"Oh come on! I wasn't that bad when I realized I was a minor character!" Zelretch said as he started to wipe away some of the tea that splashed on his magnificent, finely trimmed beard.

"That's not the point! It's not that I worry about my status but to think… that all of this is just a lie, a story…" Justeaze said as she covered her face with her hands.

"Its not a story, this universe I mean. It's real and everything inside it." Zelretch said as he plucked a biscuit from a nearby plate before pooping it inside his mouth.

"This is some nice biscuit they have here. Maybe I should get Nagato take some from the kitchen…"

Justeaze sighed as she leaned back on the chair she was sitting on and said "Why? Haven't you said that this universe was a show in the universe from which the soul that I revived came from?"

"Yes" replied Zelretch as he began stuffing his mouth with more biscuits. He's slowly starting to resemble a gerbil as he continued gorging on the biscuits.

"Then why do you say that is this is just not a fantasy?" she asked

Zeltrech merely giggled at this before he swallowed the biscuits and then he started to sing "Is this the real life~? Is this just fantasy~!"

"Stop it with your infernal singing!" hissed out Justeaze annoyed that the Wizard Marshall didn't answered her question.

"Hehe, sorry about that. It seems just the right time to sing it" replied Zelretch before he cleared his throat.

"Anyways, it's just a show in the other universe because the author was inspired by our universe" said Zelretch

"You mean… the author got it from a vision"

"As perceptive as ever Justeaze. You see we all have a latent ability to see the a glimpse other universes. This glimpses come in the many forms such as visions and sudden inspiration or what we are more familiar with, as dreams." Zelretch explained as he brought out a small bag and started stuffing it full of the amazing biscuits he was eating.

"I... I should probably go check on him… its not safe for my only success so far to be with that plant crazed succubus…" muttered Justeaze as she stood up and walked out of the room

"Half-succubus and you know she hates being called a succubus." Zelretch said as he hauled up the now massive bag of biscuits over his shoulder as he followed her

"I don't care" replied Justeaze as she briskly walked on the hall ways of the ancient institute.

"Where is he!" shouted a now enraged Justeaze at the hysterical Emilia.

"I-I don't know!" Emilia cried out as she started bawling out.

Justeaze grimaced as she felt her heart ache from seeing the half succubus cry her heart out. She quickly reminded herself that it was just the charm that they all posses and not her own guilt.

"Oh! Oh! I know where he is! I know where he is!" shouted Zelretch as he raised his arm like an excited grade schooler from school

"Then why didn't you told me earlier?" asked Justeaze thru barred teeth.

"Because I'm sexy and you know it~!" Giggled out Zeltrech as he ran out of the room shouting

"Whoop whoop whoop!" Shouted Zeltrech as he started imitating a crab and ran out of the room sideways.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…hehe" giggled Emilia

"…" But she was quickly silenced by a glare from Justeaze

"sorry…" whispered Emilia as she curled up into a ball to avoid Justeaze wrath.

"Come on Vamanos! Everybody lets go~!" Said Zelretch a she suddenly popped out of nowhere scaring the hell out of the two before he ran off once

"Come on, let's get to it! I know we can do it!" Laughed out Zelretch like a demented old fuck making the passerby's in the corridors scream out in fear.

Justeaze merely sighed as she followed the old Dead Apostle.

* * *

=End of Chapter=

* * *

Ummmm... why am I getting small following here… not that I complain but… really. Also this is not a SI fic… no really its not. If you want to see an SI fic then go see my other fic. This is a Reincarnation fic… just sayin…

Anyways. I hope you do like this chapter and also please don't kill me for my portrayal of Zelretch! Please don't kill me!

Also I would like to tell you all that I plan this fic to be 50,000-100,000 words long unless I have thought of more things to add into it. Expect a sequel though if this gets really popular (A man can dream right?)

* * *

Teaser for next chapter: A fat man from a transmutation circle

I'll answer every question to the person who can figure this one out first


	4. Chapter 4

PS: I change the location of the HQ back to London. Carry on then.

* * *

==Chapter 4:FOR SCIENCE!==

* * *

 _Lady, how many times do I have to tell you that I'm not the plant that your sister was going to give you…_

"I'll finally catch his attention! Just you wait master~!" she said in a sing-sang manner as she skipped merrily along the ancient halls of the Institute.

The manic glint on her eyes tells me there was no reasoning with her. I wasn't the only one seeing this because every single person that we encountered in the hall gave us a wide berth.

This was probably the forty-second time that I tried to reason with her yet her apparent insanity, which while pretty normal, was in the extreme end of the spectrum.

I don't even know why I even bothered tried to reason with her.

Well it was probably because being rash in the way I act wasn't exactly doing me any favor's here.

There was no reasoning with this bitch with this obsession of hers for her instructor or someone similar.

My problems really do pile on one another here huh? First the ice princess that summoned me made it her mission to annoy the hell out of me then in my fit of anger and stupidity landed me on a meeting with Zelretch and now this.

Stuck with Miss Crazy.

 _You know you're going to get in trouble with the Einzbern if you-!_

I momentarily chocked from a wave of killing intent. Oh come on! Why does everything have to go south faster than how things go south for the black guy in a horror movie!

The feeling quickly passed before she started giggling. It's official, she's flipping mad.

Her giggling quickly turned into a full-blown laughter as the wind started howling with lighting flashing behind the background… wait a minute! Where the hell is this coming from? This isn't a horror story!

One thing you apparently get from being a plant is a 360 degree vision around yourself so I quickly found out who was responsible for this shenanigans

The Spanish Inquisition!? Nope… just priest garbed in red passing by.

When I saw the one responsible for this I just had to ask heaven.

 _God? Do you hate me?_

Well because the person that was responsible for the wind and lightning effect was the one that had been carrying me earlier. With an ever present and creepy smile on her face, she had her hands raised while creating a miniature thunderstorm behind us.

 _Oh come on! You were their the whole time?! Why didn't you take me away from this demented psycho?_

The Einzbern homunculus maid simply smiled as she said "Because she-!"

The sound of flesh tearing and bones cracking cut her off as she slowly and calmly looked down her chest where a vine as thick as a man's fist was sticking out. Oh did I mention that the vine came out of the palm of the woman carrying me.

Also, it had rose thorns on it cause why the hell not?!

I think I'm going to be sick.

Seeing a person's heart being torn of their chest was one thing (thank you Apocalypto) but to see it in live action with all its gory detail was another.

In just a few hours of being in this universe and I end up seeing my first murder. My mind spun as I saw the woman pulled the vine tearing out chunks of the Einzbern maid's chest off.

I'm never going to see baby back ribs the same way again…

The vine literally ripped off parts of the maid's chest along with a heart impaled on the end of the vine.

 _I…I think I'm going to faint here…_

As I saw the Einzbern maid slump down on the floor bleeding out probably already dead… who I'm kidding here… dead as a nail my vision slowly started to get fuzzy as well as my other senses before I

* * *

I didn't know how long I fainted but the next thing I knew, I was in a table in the middle of a crowded lecture hall.

Off course the first thing that I did when I woke up was to draw attention to myself and by that I mean scream my lungs, or whatever what allowed me to communicate. This had the immediate of effect of everyone looking at my general direction.

Yes, everyone. You could literally hear the way they shifted towards my general direction.

My initial scream was soon followed by more screaming seeing it was the most logical thing to do, as the person behind me was the psycho who killed the nice Einzbern Maid.

 _Somebody please get me away from her!_

My hysterical cries were met by the stare of the students, some out of pity while others out of amusement.

 _Somebody take me away from this bitch! Please for the love off god save me!_

 _Mary mother of god! She's going to kill us all!_

My desperation got the better of me as I continued on shouting trying to call for help to no avail. I shouted for several minutes before I was promptly shut up by the manliest voice I ever heard.

"Ms. Greenfield! Please shut you're plant up!" said a rather portly man who seems to be a professor from all the chalk dust on his hands.

 _Please get me away!_

The bitch turned red with shame as she grabbed onto my pot and shook me.

"Shut up!" she whispered harshly getting redder by the second.

 _Eat my shorts!_

She seethed as some of the people around her snickered from the way I talked to the bitch.

The professor sighed clearly annoyed I haven't shut up. "It seems that Ms. Greenfield is unable to control her plant so lets just do our best to ignore her" The professor drawled out with distaste and annoyance in his tone.

"Be thankful master needs a plant like you" She hissed out

Well to bad for because I wont stopping anytime soon. If we didn't started off with a rough start, I may have acted nice, but to kill the only person so far that had been nice to me in this world was something I cannot forgive.

Fuck all reasons. I already died so what's the difference if I die one more time?

* * *

"Damn you Zelretch" Hissed out Justeaze clearly tired and sweating hard after she continued following Zelretch.

Justeaze wasn't the most energetic of Homunculus as she gets tired to easily. All homunculus have an inherent flaw due to their nature of artificial birth and Justeaze flaw was her frailness. The wizard marshal seemed to be keen in aggravating her already frail constitution.

"I'm sorry Justeaze-sama but please bear with him. You know how he's not exactly… on his right mind" apologized a teen of 15 years of age and of Asian descent.

The manic laugh that Zelretch did for no apperent reason at all seems to support this idea.

"Miss Einzbern, would you let this young man help carry you? Even though my worm familiars look unpleasant, I assure you they are quite comfortable to sit on!" said a kneeling blue haired man of 20 years of age.

With the rose on his mouth, he appears to be trying to look charming but with the monstrosity of a horse-sized worm behind, it wasn't going well.

Justeaze seemed to just ignore the young mans attempt to look dashing, crushing the man's spirit as tears of heart break flowed down his cheeks

"Makari-senpia, Maybe you should create worms without the mouth full of razor sharp teeth…" The Asian teen said as he shivered at the way the worm looked at him. It doesn't have eyes and yet the teen couldn't help but feel like the worm was looking hungrily at him

"Nagato! How many times have a told you to call be my first name and what nonsense are you talking about? That's what give my worm their beauty!" The young man said as he wiped away his tears. He then flipped his magnificent mane of blue hair trying to regain his composure.

"Isn't that right Mr. Cuddlepuff~! Who has the cute little tooth! You are~!" the now identified Zolgen said, with a tone that's typical reserved for cute animals, while hugging his worm dotting on it like it was a cute dog

"R-right Zolgen-senpia…" Nagato said as he shivered from the unnatural and guttural purr the worm emanated while it sickeningly pulsated.

It mystified Nagato how his friend and part-time mentor, Zolgen found his worm familiar… cute. It was disturbing for him and if it wasn't for the lessons that his mother has drilled on his head, he would have already puked. He had to be polite for to not hurt his senpai's feelings.

Justeaze just groaned annoyed at the antics of the two as her Homunculus maid help support their tired master. She was too prideful to have the maids carry her around and she wasn't going to swallow her pride anytime soon.

The Wizard Marshall, for some reasons unknown, decided it was the proper time to take _several_ detours in the Institute. Those detours somehow involved the Wizard marshal going around the Association Headquarters in all sorts of reasons.

Their first stop was towards the General Fundamental's department to pick up Zelretch, Tohsaka Nagato. Makari Zolgen tagged along with the trio intending to "protect his juniors innocence", what ever that meant, and to try and impress Justeaze Einzbern, which has so far been unsuccessful.

In the future, Nagato Tohsaka and Zolgen Makiri(or Zouken Matou after he changed his family name) would become world renowned for their participation in the founding of the Fuyuki Holy Grail War but now they were nothing but a student and an average magus respectively in the Mage Association Headquarters in the eyes of the magus society.

One was a first-generation Magus from the far-east who has been brought to the Association head quarters to be taught with the ways of a mage craft while the other was a third-generation magus who a bit famous for his unusual way of achieving pseudo-immortality.

How the two become magus became acquainted with one another was a funny story. It was Zolgen who first approached Nagato and it wasn't to try and make friends but to correct Nagato of his mistakes.

Zolgen was so annoyed at the mistakes that Nagato was doing that he made it his mission to correct the young magus of his mistake to save himself from seeing the embarrassment of a magus.

Over time the two become close friends after a few accidents and now Zolgen has unofficially taken Nagato under his wing to improve his mage craft, which was a blessing to Nagato as Zelretch wasn't the best teacher for him as he just thought Nagato what was needed before letting Nagato improve on his own.

Now the trio along with the wizard marshal finally arrived, in hopefully, the last detour. Much to Justeaze relief It really was the last detour and the trio had the chance to take a rest as Zelretch took his time in finishing what he had intended in that building.

After an hour or so, Zeltretch finally came out of the building.

"Ok, lets go to where your revived subject is" Said Zelretch said grinning.

Justeaze just sighed, as the walking would finally end before Zelretch suddenly said "Buuuuttttt bef-!"

Justeaze quickly cut him off with a shout "Damn you old man! Just bring me to my subject! Isn't it too much to ask?!"

This shut Zelretch up quickly and made her two other companion freeze at how much killing intent she was pouring out.

It was clear that she was really pissed of right now and wasn't going to put up with all the shit that Zelretch would like to do.

Her outburst wasn't gone unnoticed as people started looking at their general direction. There were some in the background that were already starting to bet among them selves that their would be a fight her but to their disappointment there wouldn't be one.

Zelretch just pouted as he said Jeez Louise… fine! I'll take you to your subject"

Justeaze seemed to be not astaisfied with the answer as she continued glaring at Zelretch.

The wizard Marshal simply sighed as he said "Without detours! Happy?"

Justeaze sighed as her anger finally deflated only for it to rise to a whole new level

"Let me take a bathroom brake first" Zelretch said causing her aire to skyrocket to levels yet unheard of.

The following laughter, mock screams of help and shouting was heard thru out the Association.

* * *

Now after the little scuffle that happened between Justeaze and Zelretch, the group was now finally going to where Justeaze subject was taken too.

"I always wondered why they had to place the lecture halls of the General Fundamentals on the lower levels" Muttered Zolgen while he was riding his worm.

"You're over 2 centuries old and you don't know? Zolgen my respect for you has reached a whole new low." Justeaze deadpanned crushing Zolgens spirit once again.

Justeaze appears to be nursing her throbbing fist. She made the mistake of punching Zelretch without considering how tough Zelretch was much to wizard marshals amusement.

"Zolgen-Senpia, It's too kept the students away from the distracting sound of the explosions that constantly happen above stairs.

"See Zolgen, At least your junior knows why" said Justeaze making Zolgen shed tears of shame

Zolgen clutched his chest in pain as he cried out "Justeaze, why do you have to be so cold?"

"Why do you have to be stupid?" Asked Justeaze back crushing the already broken spirit of the man into even thinners pieces.

BOOM!

An explosion suddenly happened in the floor where the lecture hall was.

"Explosions! Wheee!" Suddenly shouted Nagato as he suddenly started giggling madly and like a man possessed ran towards the source.

"Oh… right it was partly because of Nagato" muttered the depressed Zolgen as he looked at Nagato running down the spiral staircase leaving a trail dust.

"Isn't he such a cute pyromaniac?" asked Zelretch as he admired the trial of dust that Nagato left.

"I believe the right term is Explosion lover" Zolgen said

"For once Zolgen, you said something not obvious" Justeaze deadpanned as if it was her mission to destroy Zolgens self esteem.

The now utterly depressed Zolgen slumped down on his worm familiar muttering "Mr. Cuddlepuffs, you're the only one that understands me"

As the trio got closer to the lecture hall, they started hearing shouting from the room.

They found the remains of the wooden door of the lecture hall in pieces and scattered all in front of the opened lecture hall. They also saw Nagato standing in front of the room looking seriously at something

The trio peered into the room t see what was the commotion all about.

"The Sixth Magic can't and will not be achieved by having an object achieved what you call a critical mass!" shouted a particularly enrage teen.

 _It can and if you just listen to me I can explain it!_

There appears to be a debate in the class. The majority of the class was stage below split into two groups. One group was behind the angry man which consist of the majority of the class while behind the tree was just a few students who seemed to be on the verge of panicking and have a breakdown. The professor seemed to be intent on listening on the debate.

"How can we listen if for the last few hours, you have been spewing nothing but nonsense? The five elements are not elements? What have you been drinking!" said the teen

 _The elements are not the elements themselves but rather the state of elements with the exception of fire and aether off course! Earth represent the solid state, Water is liquid state and Air as the gas state! Aether is just something entirely else but its not an element_

"How can you just disregard two well establish element! We have been using the five elements for centuries! Even in Alchemy where you're so called particles are manipulated to transmute an object! How can adding a simple building block material change the structure of a whole drastically!" countered the teen getting more emotional from the argument

 _It's because adding something changes how those elements interact with other objects!_

"That makes no sense!" shouted the teen tired of what the tree was saying

 _Yes it does and if you have listened to me earlier then you would have a clearer picture of what I'm talking about!_

"Then lets say you're correct for once! That elements are the purest form of materials "

 _I am correct!_

"Then how can Gods Wrath! The release of the potential energy in all objects be explained by it?!" asked the teen

 _You remember the particles I told you? Electron, Neutron and Proton?_

"Yes?" the teen hesitatingly said

 _A force holds them together and that force is the potential energy of all things contain. Calling it potential energy is actually wrong but lets not discuss on that further. What's important is that after a certain number of the building blocks particle achieved a certain number without balancing them then this force is released as the object decays to balance the particles it has._

"So-!" he said before he was quickly cut off by the tree

 _Let me finish here. These bonds are very strong and it what keeps the atom, the smallest unit of an element, together. As I explained earlier, forms of atoms form a certain element aren't absolute and can vary in the number of neutrons. They are called isotopes. These variants elements are sometimes unstable._

"!" The teen wasn't even given the chance to speak as the tree cut him off once again.

 _But! Its not doesn't mean if a element is radioactive then it would have a critical mass. Only certain elemental isotopes have can achieve a runaway nuclear reaction and I just no one element that does that._

"It still makes no sense" the teen said frowning still stubborn about his belief

 _You know what? Its better if you see it in action. Hey, is the transmutation circle_ to produce Element 92 with 143 neutrons _ready?_

"This is insane! This is just insane! We don't even know if this is going to work!" shouted the leader of the panicking teens hysterically.

 _Just answer!_

"Are insane to request for a transmutation of lead to this element of yours! The weight of the resulting material far exceeds the critical mass half a dozen times over! You said 64 kilos of this stuff was enough to flatten a city! You're request is to make 200 kilos of this stuff!" the teen said panicking.

 _Exactly and is it ready?"_

"Y-yes" the teen said nervously as the two other teens that were working on the circle lifted up the piece of canvas that the magic circle was placed in.

 _You did say that there is a room where that can survive the 6_ _th_ _magic users explosions?_

"Yes b-but the strongest explosions he made didn't flat out flatten cities!" said the teen.

 _Lets go test it out shall we? It's not like my theory is correct right Jimmy?_

"Jimmy" or the angry teen growled out angrily "My name is James and lets test it out. Its not like its going to work"

 _Hey Jonathan, take us to the room_

The tree said as the leader of the panicking teens nodded uneasily and lifted up the tree and turned to the door to find the group of the Justeaze.

"Oh Mister Zelretch and Miss Einzbern I didn't now you were there. We were just on our way to test out this talking tree's magnificent theory. Would like to come with us?" The portly professor asked.

"Sure" Zelretch said grinning.

"Wait…did the tree just claim it could produce the 6th magic via transmutation?" asked Zolgen to which Nagato numbly nodded.

Justeaze stood their stony face as she whispered "The 6th magic huh? It wouldn't be every day that you see a soul from another dimension claim to do a lost magic…"

"Did you say something Miss Einzebrn?" asked the professor

"Aren't we going to the room?" asked Justeaze

"Oh right!" said the professor as the class and the group went to test out the tree's claim.

* * *

(Next Morning)

"Extra! Extra! Freak Earthquake hits London!"

* * *

==Chapter 4==

* * *

There you have it! This chapter was a bitch to write. I had to rewrite a whole scene as I just couldn't make it work… it took me half a day to write that scene and I had no choice but to rewrite it… but let bygones be bygones since what's important is I'm able to deliver the chapter.

See you two days from now! I need a rest -_-

Oh right. For the guest review I didn't answer, just you wait and see :3 I have plans involving that hehehe


	5. Note

==Authors Note==

Just a quick note. Got my rest and will continue posting by Jan 18 or 19. Will replace this chapter with the real one so do post your reviews on the chapter before this or in the first chapter.


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